Amo!

Y tu...rompiste esa barrera que había vuelto a crear...insististe hasta que cedió...muy persistente tu amistad...me encantó.
Tus palabras, tan profundas, agudizaban mis oidos...tenía que poner mucha atención...o me perdía en tu voz.
En tan poco tiempo provocabas en mi cientos de lagrimas, miles de risas...me conoces tanto. Con una mirada me adivinabas...llegabas tan rápido ahi...a mi alma...a lo más profundo de mi...a lo que yo misma me ocultaba.
Me enseñaste a querer sin condiciones, a decir un "amo" desde adentro, sin pena, con una sonrisa. Estaba bien siendo fría, dejando que todo lo que llegara a mi fluyera lejos, sin disfrutarlo...pero ahora estoy mejor, dejando que te quedes en mi.
Con una llamada me curabas...con una palabra me alentabas...te dejé amarme, me dejé amarte...me acostumbré a tus cariños , a tus ganas de amar, de dar.
Tu...mi amigo, mi menos que un amor, mi casi hermano, mi nene...nunca dejaré de darle gracias a Dios por ponerte en mi vida, estas cuando más te necesito, cuando ni yo me he dado cuenta de lo mal que estoy.
Gracias!

2 días después

Sabes...estoy tranquila...te extraño...pero aún así estoy tranquila. Nunca perdí oportunidad para decirte cuanto te quería, nunca te herí con intención, fui lo mejor para ti, lo más inocente que pude ser, todo por ti.
Me lastimaste...y me seguías dando amor, me sonreías...y me dejabas sola...pero tranquilo no hay rencor, tan solo amor y excelentes recuerdos.
Amor...fuiste mío...y de mil más, lo se...pero...sí eso...sé que lo sabes...yo no era como ellas, tú no eras como alguno y me amabas así, y te amaba así.
Amor...fuiste una bendición en mi vida...me hiciste crecer, mentir, soñar, llorar, amar, besar, creer...me cambiaste.
Tus dulces besos...como los de nadie, tus ojos...increíblemente profundos, tus caricias...incomparables...los siento aún.
Siento que al caminar por la calle, al voltear estarás ahí...viéndome...esperando mis palabras, mi mirada...como solías hacer.
Ahora me confundo al mirar por la ventana...me quedo sin palabras al mirar al cielo...saber que de verdad ya no vas a estar, que no me susurrarás con tus pensamientos...me abruma. Me abruma leer tus cartas, me ciega...me siento tan impotente.
Vivencias en la clandestinidad, la adrenalina que sentía...nunca más contigo...nunca más ahí. Ocultados de todos...porque?...no importa...todos finjian no saber.
Ahora ya no hay razón por la cual no quererte, ya nadie juzga...nadie señala, todos esperan que me duela, y así es...todos esperan mis lágrimas, quieren que lo acepte, lo saben...pero no es suficiente.
Caminando hacia tu tumba, bajo el sol incandecente...no me hablas, me siento sola. Estoy aquí amor contigo...no importa que ya no te vea...sé que te sorprendes...pero no deberías, te adoro.
Hasta el último momento, demostrando mis sentimientos...caen lágrimas donde ya no hay lugar. Hasta que la última pregunta se conteste...hasta que ya no necesite saber si hubieras hecho lo mismo por mi, hasta ese momento comprenderé que no te he perdido...amor...por ti vuelvo a creer.

septmbr 5

A few minutes without oxigen in our brain, just a few minutes will transport us.
Was easy that choice? did you wanted to get away so bad? your heart couldn't stand longer? wondering your mind was while your lips wanting to scream, shut and turned in to purple.
Your present melts while your past search for smiles and 1000 tears to comfort yourself...your future doesn't exists and you can't breath. Did you wanted to go back? did you wanted to touch the ground again? your soul is trying to hang on to your bones.
Everything is going dark, you don't give a sign, you know you can't change your mind now, you feel your last breeze, your last breath, your last flower on the window...
I hope you aren't sad anymore, that the problems doesn't bother you. I hope that every second you are getting out from here, are you closest to your happiness.
Where are you now? are you better? I guess you changed your choice, but your 21 grams less, reminds you that you are out now, that you'll never come to life again...where are you going? you get away without direction...without destiny...because you doesn't exist anymore, you are gone.
There is a body, skin attached to muscles, muscles attached to bones, it doesn't move anymore, you give up to it, it's not yours...it is just there...is the end...

thOse nights

I look over and over ur pictures...trying to understand why u still there in my heart...why u seemed so sincere, why u were so u, why u did all that u did...u made me think that was true..it seemed to.!
I can't find the answers...just because u wanna be charming with me..?..well...with us.!?..I guess that u did the same with her...
Some situations, some kisses, some...things...seemed to getting out from ur heart...ha!...yeah...sure...
I want u back if u can only be the one who u were those nigths...those hours...below the moon when we kissed...but u r not that boy...
I was thinking if u really miss me how u say u do...or did.../...u deceived me one, two, three times...and u still saying that u want me back because u can't be just my friend, because u can't stop thinking on me...and she's there...and u beg me...and u want me to believe u...but how..!!??..
And I keep thinking...why u said all that..??...how could u be such a gentleman.?..why u were exactly who I wanted u to be...why u said everyday that u didn't want me to go.?..if I wasn't the only girl in ur mind...if u were kissing her behind my back...why..?.
Sometimes I think that u really mean it...and that in some way u did felt all those awesome feelings that u told me...sometimes I wanna cross the line...
But no, just shut up...it's too late...I said no...I can't believe u anymore...u didn't do what u promised...u didn't care about change...
I can't look at u and imagine how u hug her...if u tell her the same things that u told me...I don't wanna think if u kiss her in the same way that u kissed me...in those nights...
And u took that word...and u r with her...and how I feel now..?..I don't know...
And if u come back..?.. if u realize that I do worth it...that I deserve the changes.?.that she really "can't compare to me" like u said...would I be there..?..
And what if u don't.?..would be my fault for said no..?..for in first time in life put my own heart's security before someone else...or...would be her fault for being there no matter how shammer could u be.?.or anyway...u always prefered her..?..
...I saw u today...u kissed me in the cheek...and u stabbed my heart...and u gave me a little hug, ur smell clung in my shirt...and u keep walking...and I was crying...but note it...nobody saw a single tear...I'm stronger now...

So deep inside

yeah...so far from here...empty without a reason...I wonder what makes me this way...
Don't u see that I don't love u.?..don't u see that u r loosing me.?..don't u see that I'm afraid.?..u don't see that I'm lying...
Soft I felt, excited, and secure that my whims will come true...always so selfish...ruin my happiness.
No...don't chase me...let me go and I'll be back...blowing strong...I'll come again.
Live ur life , don't think on me, change, renew urself, dismissed me...I'll look for u...but don't wait for me.
I sit...and I rest...waiting for what I never gonna get...for what will make me cry...for what someday will make me change...I hope see the star in the morning.
I change u for my loneliness and ur pain, u will change me for my doubts and ur happiness...who lose? who win?...damn society.
Yeah...that's my reason...immaturity. I will love u, believe me...but now I can't.

Ready or not...I'll let me fall...hoping that before I touched the floor...I can fly, change, love...

u don't worth it

Oh...u don't worth it...u don't worth all my tired nights, all my smiles, all those words!.../...u don't worth my time, neither my thoughts...
Could u just leave me alone..!? I'm so sick of this...that is just so u, coming back when I've finally moved on...please...go away from my life!!--junkie u don't deserve me...I realized that is so true!
Did u ever loved somebody.?.That girl who made u cry.?...[well if she really exists or u just made up that story too]...did u ever enjoy my kisses.?.did u ever really wanted to hug me.?
Oh...who opened that window.?.making all fly away...because when someone came to close it, was just too late.
I want u people disappear, this is not your business and u r not helping either.
But u don't worth this tears, u don't worth my broken heart, u played with both and I just took the right decision...if she wanna be there while u r telling me all those sweet words...I don't care...she's the one who likes to be fooled.
U r not leaving me, I left u first...

I gave u that opportunity...u begged me for so long...and then I said yes...
Oh...but I should've say no, I waste my afternoons on u...and u didn't worth it...u don't worth it.!..
Stop all the lies, don't call me, don't text me, don't try to talk to me, I don't care anymore...